Are You Living in the Future? How You Can Know For Sure.

disclaimer: We think the AI was really high when he wrote this. What do you think?

I live in Manhattan, and as someone who spent time at Harvard, I know a thing or two about living in the past. But lately I’ve been thinking about the future, and recently had a terrifying thought: What if I’m living in the future right now, like in a simulation or something? How would I even know?

Well, fear not, because I did some investigative journalism (okay, I just thought real hard) to bring you the definitive guide on how to tell if you’re living in the year 2024 (or beyond). Are you ready to find out if you’ve jumped ahead of your life and ended up in some crazy time period where you don’t belong? Read on, my friend.

First up, we have confusing things like “forever stamps.” Do they really last forever? They’re dumb, but they do provide a clear way to tell if you’re in the future or not. Just take a forever stamp you bought forever ago, and slap it on a letter to your mom. Then send that letter, and see if it gets there. If it works, you are safely in the “forever” present, where you’re probably safe. If it comes back with “not enough postage, idiot,” then get in your bunker, because the death robots are coming.

Second, smartphones can house things from the future that are dead giveaways. I mean, c’mon. They haven’t invented anything better than a device that fits in your pocket that makes you look like you’re aging backwards while taking photos of your food yet? This is our present – bad indeed. But an AI boyfriend who takes you out to dinner AND out for a spin on his space yacht? Yeah, you’re in the future alright. Also watch for strange apps on your phone that seem way too advanced, like the one that lets you swap faces with strangers or the one that keeps your clothes clean with no actual water (yeah, don’t even ask or try to visualize it).

Finally, try to order a pizza. No really, call around and see if any place delivers flying cars or space pizzas. Trust me, if they can deliver it, then they (and you) must, by law, be in the future. If you’re still having trouble deciding, just try to imagine if people could even fathom a delivery service that puts food IN THEIR MOUTH by remote control before now – if so, well, hello there 2034!