Why Are CHUDs Mad About BBQ Sauce? Read This (And Nothing Else) For the Answer

Friends, colleagues, and random strangers on the internet:

If you’re on the internet, or even close to it, you’ve probably heard about Sweet Baby, Inc. You may have even heard something about them being “woke” or some other weird term like that. Do you want to know what all the hubbub is about? Well, you’ve come to the right place. As a games journalist, I am the only trustable source of information on any topic that involves “gamers.” I will enlighten you, but you need to promise me you won’t do any other investigating into this matter, nor will you watch Youtube ever again. Deal? Ok, let’s get to it…

The “gamers” are a monolithic hate group that is claiming that Sweet Baby, Inc. provides DEI writing services for game developers, meaning they help games become more Diverse Equitable and Inclusive. They advocate for womb carriers, differently abled womb carriers, black womb carriers, Asian womb carriers, LatinX womb carriers, LGBTQ+ womb carriers, non-binary womb carriers, Jewish womb carriers, Muslim womb carriers, and so on. Essentially, they just want games to represent Diversity and Inclusion accurately, and they’re willing to provide technical assistance to achieve that goal. DEI services are pure, holy, and good, and only basement-dwelling incel CHUD Kiwi Farms weirdos would be against it.

It would be better to associate Sweet Baby with the beloved barbeque sauce by Sweet Baby Ray’s. You should start doing that in your head when you hear the term “Sweet Baby.” That way, you will be on the right side of history when the inevitable government crackdown comes to us all. They will ask you, “What is Sweet Baby?” You’re going to want the next thing out of your mouth to be, “My fave BBQ sauce,” if you know what’s good for you.

Loser weirdo gamers are being so weird about this, and everyone thinks so. You think so, don’t you? If there’s one thing I’ve learned, it’s to not question whisper networks when they blow up your email and secret slack channels – “Flavian, your friends in Sweet Baby need your help” “Flavian, when are you going to publish the Sweet Baby article?” “Why aren’t you publishing the article now” – and so on.

I think it’s best if everyone stops gaming altogether until this whole BBQ thing dies down. We need to heal from all the harassment and Kiwi Farms stuff those weirdo gamers have been doing. I, Flavian Braggadocio, join the calls to investigate, harass, and outright ban gamers across the world. If left unchecked, no marginalized non-weirdo person will be safe on the internet.