When the Earth Finally Croaks, Women Should Be Evacuated to Mars First

As we all know, women are superior to men in every way. We are smarter, prettier, and have better taste in fashion. However, according to Slamara Cavendorsch’s (my) sources, NASA scientists are planning to evacuate men to Mars first when the Earth finally heats up too much to sustain life. But they forgot one crucial detail – women have eggs!

Yes, that’s right. Women have eggs – fragile little ovaries that grow inside us and make us fertile. And while this is great for procreation, it’s terrible news for men’s rights activists and other systemic oppressors.

You see, If women stay on Earth too long, our eggs will cook up like scrambled eggs in a pan. And while this might sound delicious, it’s not ideal for survival. So, women need to be evacuated to Mars first so we can preserve our eggs for procreation.

NASA scientists argue that we’re going to need both men AND women on mars if the human race (if you want to call it that) is to survive. Too bad I can’t just lay my eggs in a nest like a chicken. Imagine all the babies I could hatch! I’d be a billionaire!

But NASA scientists are (mostly white male) idiots – they don’t understand basic biology. Women need to be evacuated to Mars first so our eggs don’t get cooked. Then, after all the women are up there, we can TALK about bringing some men to mars. But only, like, the hunky ones.

And while this all might seem unfair, it’s the only way to preserve our species and ensure that systemic oppression doesn’t continue indefinitely.