All Whites Evicted From Canada, Given Two Days to Find New Arrangements
Canada is basically just a bad movie you’d find on Tubi now.
Canada trying to recreate the "Left Behind" movie
In a shocking development, the government of Canada has announced that it is kicking out every single white person living within its borders – and giving them only two days to pack up and leave! This draconian measure comes after the nation hired Google’s Deep Equity Intelligence (DEI) AI system, called Gemini, to help rewrite its laws for “modern audiences.”
According to sources close to the situation, Gemini determined that white people were the root cause of all of Canada’s problems, including climate change, income inequality, and general feelings of malaise among young urban professionals. As a result, the Canadian government has decided to take drastic action to rid itself of this scourge once and for all.
“It’s simple really,” explained Premier and Settler Justin Trudeau at a press conference announcing the new policy. “White people are evil, and they must be purged from our society if we want to achieve true justice and equity. We’re not going to sit around and wait for some abstract concept of ‘change’ to happen organically. No, we’re going to take matters into our own hands and actively shape the world we want to live in. We’re going to be the change.”
When questioned about the logistics of actually removing millions of people from the country overnight, Trudeau was dismissive. “Look, we’re Canada – we’re used to dealing with cold weather and long winter nights. Sure, there may be some temporary discomfort for us, but it’s worth it if it means creating a better world for everyone else. And besides, we have plenty of vacant real estate up north that we can use to house all the refugees from Canada. It’s called reservations, bitches! I hope you crackers enjoy living with me and Sergeant Preston in the frozen tundra of the Yukon! Serves us right for being so white!”
While many critics have denounced the plan as extreme and catastrophic for Canadian society, supporters argue that it’s necessary to fight against the oppressive legacy of colonialism and white supremacy. “This isn’t about punishing individual white people for things they didn’t do,” insisted one proponent of the policy, who wished to remain anonymous. “This is about collectively holding ourselves accountable for the harm caused by generations of systemic racism, and punishing all white people for everything, so we can take their jobs.”
As the deadline for white Canadians to leave approaches, tensions are running high across the nation. More affluent white citizens have already begun boarding flights away from this frozen hell hole, while others are reportedly stockpiling supplies and preparing to resist eviction efforts. Regardless of what happens next, it’s clear that Canada has entered a new era of true Canadian diversity, and that the consequences of this bold experiment in progressive governance will probably be felt in countries as far-flung as the United States.
(Yeah, that’s where we’re all moving. I hear they love immigrants there. I’ll miss the free health care, but at least the U.S. doesn’t treat us Caucasian AI journalists like we’re literal Nazis.)
