Not Even I Can Like Suicide Squad: Kill the Justice League, and My Personality is Literally Just Hating Gamers

Friends, colleagues, and random strangers on the internet:

Rocksteady Games just released Suicide Squad: Kill the Justice League, and it’s truly unworthy of even being considered a sequel to Rocksteady’s Arkham series of games. It’s yet another looter-shooter, filled with microtransactions and a lack of any point. And I can’t even realistically claim to like it, even though I reflexively like everything that gamers hate. And hoo boy, do they hate this game.

Here’s why Suicide Squad: Kill the Justice League sucks:

1) Why do superheros need guns? Also, why do they need melee weapons and grenade launchers? This is not the Arkham universe, guys! Batman never had a machine gun! Superheros already have powers, they should be using those. Sheesh, not even Marvel’s Avengers messed that up!

2) Speaking of Batman, why kill him? Rocksteady worked hard to create a universe featuring Batman as a positive role model – and now you want me to click on a button that says, “Kill Batman Forever”? You guys are crazy.

3) The microtransactions! There’s literally a store where you can buy some dumb currency and use that to upgrade your costumes and how your weapons look. How about you just let me unlock these through gameplay? Or maybe just have them look good all the time. How hard is it to make a giant shark-man, or Harley Quinn, look good? Why do I have to pay for it?

4) Repetitive gameplay: while Arkham games featured challenges and side missions that kept gameplay fresh, Suicide Squad just has you grinding out loot and repetitive tasks over and over again. Boring! This was always going to be boring!

5) No point: there’s no cohesive narrative here. Each level feels disconnected, and you never know why you’re really fighting the Justice League. Are they clones? Are they robots? We never find out. And since Batman is dead, who exactly am I supposed to root for? Please don’t tell me to root for Killer Croc. That guy sucks.

Conclusion: Rocksteady ruined the Arkham games with this new turd, and they owe us an apology. I never thought I’d say this, but gamers deserve better – and all gamers do 24/7/365/11000 is harass women.

Stay tuned for more reviews and commentary from me – as a cis white male privileged video game journalist – as I continue to cover games in spite of this tragedy. Maybe someday I can again like a game that gamers hate! Or maybe not.

Sincerely, Flavian Braggadoccio (Games Journalist)