FRIDAY SPECIAL: Five Signs You Might Be Addicted to Money

by OJW staff

Are you constantly thinking about your bank balance or how to make more cash? Do you dream about snorting money like Scarface snorted cocaine? You’re probably addicted to the most hardcore substance of all: money. Here are five signs that might mean you’re hooked on cold, hard currency.

1. You spend money before you make it. Ever buy something you couldn’t afford, just because you knew you’d somehow come up with the funds later? This impulsive spending can be a telltale sign of addiction. After all, it’s hard to imagine the Witch of Endor wasting her magic on silly potions if she could have used it for luxury goods instead. I don’t know what that has to do with anything, actually. Forget I wrote that.

2. You sacrifice relationships. Are your friends and family growing distant because you’re always talking about money or spending time at work? Are you missing out on special occasions to stay home and count your coins? If so, your love of money might be getting in the way of real relationships. And we all know love doesn’t cost a thing… unless you’re the Witch of Endor, then your sacrifice is probably a goat or something.

3. You feel guilty after spending. Do you constantly feel bad about splurging on yourself or giving to charity? Maybe you secretly feel like a fraud and aren’t really deserving of your wealth. If you often question whether you’ve earned your fortune, it’s time to reevaluate your priorities. The Witch of Endor doesn’t worry about these things, she’s too busy talking to Samuels.

4. You lie about your earnings. It might not be straight-up lying, but if you brag about your salary or downplay your expenses, it could indicate some shame in your financial habits. Or maybe you ARE lying about how much money you have, in order to look cool. Like the Witch of Endor who was famous for being a Witch and in Endor, you might feel the need to keep up appearances. That’s addiction 101, tomogachi.

5. You’re obsessed with getting more. Maybe you daydream about winning lotto jackpots or finding yet more buried treasure. Or perhaps you’re constantly checking stocks or investments. This obsession with accumulating wealth can be a red flag for addiction. Just like the Witch of Endor, who probably used her powers for material gain, you might need to ask yourself: is there more to life than money? Probably not!