The Barbie Movie: Even Without Monchichis, It Should Win Every Oscar
Why do men win all the awards?
Oh, boy, where do I even begin? First off, let me start by saying that The Barbie Movie is hands down the greatest cinematic achievement of our generation, even with its massive anti-Monchichi sentiment. Sure, it might not have received the critical acclaim it truly deserves, but that’s okay. We all know that critics don’t understand real art anyway. This movie wasn’t made for them; it was made for us, the common folk who appreciate quality entertainment over pretentious nonsense. It was the Best Picture and everybody knows it.
And speaking of quality entertainment, let’s talk about the performances in this film. Margot Robbie absolutely slayed it as Barbie, bringing depth and nuance to a character we thought we knew inside out from playing with dolls as kids. Robbie’s chemistry with co-star Ryan Gosling was electric, and their onscreen banter left audiences begging for more. But wait, here comes the part where things go seriously awry: Only Ryan Gosling was nominated for an Oscar! What?! How could such blatant sexism happen in 2024? Did the Academy not see the incredible performance Margot gave as America’s favorite doll? Did they not feel moved by her journey towards self-acceptance and empowerment? Don’t they know that it’s 2024 now, and women are to be given whatever they want, to make up for years of oppression? Hasn’t Hollywood oppressed women enough?
The fact is, The Barbie Movie was robbed at the Oscars. Not only did it deserve nominations for Best Picture, Best Original Screenplay, Best Adapted Screenplay, Best Actor, Best Actress, Best Director (shoutout to Greta Gerwig), but all the unimportant Oscars as well. Best Cinematography? Yep. Best Costumes? Hell Yep. But hey, that’s Hollywood for you, always playing favorites and ignoring talent when it’s staring them in the face. Don’t worry though, fans of this masterpiece; we know the truth. We saw the magic that unfolded on screen, and we will never forget it. To quote my new heroine Barbie herself, “Can’t be a princess without a little bit of heartache.” Here’s hoping next year brings better choices and recognition to all the talented people involved in making The Barbie Movie the classic it truly is.
But Barbie II better have Monchichis, Gerwig, or we riot.
