Five AAA Video Game Developers Announce Live Service “Pokemon With Guns” Games Set to Release in 2030.

In recent news, five titans of the video game industry have announced their plans to capitalize on the massive success of Palworld, a popular online multiplayer title that blends elements from the Pokémon franchise with gunplay, survival mechanics, and base building. The new titles, which are currently untitled but tentatively all referred to as “Pokemon With Guns,” aim to provide a more family-friendly experience while still appealing to the hardcore gaming audience. These games promise to eschew the controversy surrounding Palworld‘s treatment of Pokémon, focusing instead on exploration, team building, and cooperative play without resorting to senseless violence or exploitation. Instead, players can expect robust crafting systems, resource management, and microtransaction opportunities galore.

“Ever since Palworld came out and made all that money, my Executive Leadership Team and I have held round-the-clock meetings on how we can capitalize on this unforseen trend and still stay focused on our mission of milking payers, um, players, like money cattle,” said Andrew Wilson, CEO of EA, “We decided to have Bioware drop whatever it is they’re doing and crunch on this until they’re done. We’re confident we can make a Palworld-type project and sanitize it for modern audiences. We all agree there’s no way this plan will fail. And if it does, who cares?”

The announcement comes just days after Palworld developer Pocket Pair. released a statement addressing concerns regarding the game’s handling of Pokémon. In response, they stated that “Critics of our game can suck it.” Twitter activists are concerned that this does not address the breadth of their complaints about the exploitation of Pokemons.

“We have made up all sorts of lies about Palworld and its developers, and nobody believes us,” said one X user, who asked to remain anonymous, “The system isn’t working anymore. I demand Elon Musk be killed.”

As for the new projects, details are scarce at present beyond their general premises. Insiders report that EA’s Loot Box-fueled entry will focus on a post-apocalyptic setting where players must scavenge resources and build bases to protect themselves from mutated Pokémon. Ubisoft Montreal’s Season Pass-filled take will reportedly feature a cyberpunk cityscape where players recruit various Pokémon to help them fight rival gangs. Capcom has hinted at an always online and DRM-filled zombie-themed survival horror experience where players must defend their settlement from hordes of infected Pokémon. And finally, Bethesda Softworks is rumored to be developing a open-world live-service western game where players explore vast frontiers, engage in shootouts with rival factions, and collect rare Pokémon to expand their own posse. They mentioned it will “for sure feature horse armor.” All games are slated for release sometime in 2030.

While some may see these projects as cynical attempts to capitalize on a passing fad, others praise them as necessary evolutions of the genre. As one Reddit user put it, “This is the future of gaming. If we don’t adapt, we die. Plus, who doesn’t want to see Bethesda’s take on Fallout with Pokemon with Guns?” Only time will tell if these ambitious ventures can capture lightning in a bottle again and become cultural phenomenons in their own right.

In unrelated news, the same five AAA game publishers pre-announced massive layoffs, scheduled to probably occur around 2031.