A Noncomprehesive List of Animals That are Overrated

You know what irks me? Animal lovers. No, not people who love animals in general – those people are dumb, but mostly harmless. No, I’m talking about people who love ALL animals. Animal LOVERS. Here are five animals they shouldn’t be loving so much.

1) Crocodiles. Sure, they look cute when they’re babies, but once they grow up, they’re just big, scaly, toothy nightmares waiting to bite your arm off. Don’t fall for their cute faces and sharp teeth. They’re killers. And everyone knows they’re not as cool as alligators, so shut up.

2) Ants. Ants are everywhere. They invade your home, they steal your food, and they make you want to scream. Yes, they have their uses, but they’re overrated. Especially since ants are just small, weak little creatures that can be killed with a common shoe.

3) Giraffes. Giraffes are cute, but overrated. They’re just big, gangly, long-necked animals with weird spots. People make such a big deal about their long necks. Who cares? You know what else has long necks? Turkeys. And turkeys are way more cool anyway. Gobble gobble.

4) Pandas. Pandas are cute, but overrated. Sure, they’re adorable and fuzzy, but they’re also stupid and useless. They eat bamboo, for God’s sake. That is not even a food. Plus, they’re endangered, and that means they can’t have sex right. Pandas suck.

5) Dogs. Dogs are cute, but overrated. They’re just big, slobbery, whiny, annoying creatures that need to be fed and walked all the time. They’re not as cool as cats, and that’s all there is to it. Yes, I’m a cat person, get over it.

So, there you have it! As always, if you’re looking for extra help with anything animal-related, check out our line of ZZZZZonky Disillusionment Pills. They’ll help you see the truth and appreciate the correct animals, for once.