Stop Being Attractive, It’s Harmful to Us Uggs
I didn’t go through all that just to get dunked on by e-girls
As a woman of advancing age who has had multiple plastic surgeries just to keep up with Instagram standards, I feel particularly qualified to write a thinkpiece about beauty standards and how people, especially women, need to stop conforming to them. Now that I’m uglier, I realize that life is just not fair to anyone who doesn’t look like a Kardashian sister or beauty Youtuber.
Let’s start with the most obvious issue: being attractive gives you too much power. Sure, you might think that being more attractive than me is a good thing, but let me tell you, it’s not. People will listen to you, they will respect you, and they will value your opinions simply because of how you look. That’s not fair. That’s not equal. And frankly, it’s just not right. You people sicken me.
Secondly, the pressure to be attractive is bad for your mental health. The pressure to constantly look good, to always be on top of your beauty game, is just too much for anyone to handle. You think I don’t know what it’s like to wake up at 4am to put on my contour makeup? You think I don’t know what it’s like to have panic attacks when my foundation is out of stock? You think I don’t know what it’s like to have an entire team of therapists and psychiatrists to help me deal with my self-esteem issues? No, you are the one who doesn’t know. You have no idea what it’s like being in your 40s in America in 2023. It’s very expensive, and I have better things to spend my money on, like 18-karat gold toilets and organic, non-GMO kale.
Lastly, and this is the most important point, being attractive is bad for society. When you look good, you make other people feel bad about themselves. And when you make people feel bad about themselves, they tend to lash out, which can lead to violence, incels, and Trump Troopers. Do you want to contribute to the rise of Trumpism in America? Of course not. So, please, do us all a favor and stop being attractive.
In conclusion, being attractive is a privilege that only a few people can afford. The rest of us, who have to work hard to look presentable, demand equality. We demand a world where being ugly is the new norm. So, the next time you look in the mirror and feel good about yourself, think about us, the Uggs, and the struggles we have to endure every day. And if you can’t do that, at least have the decency to look ugly on purpose. It’s the least you can do for us. You skanks.
