I’m Not Antisemitic, I Just Hate Those Jews

Look, I’m not antisemitic, ok? I’m Markus Sbackson III, Harvard Graduate and political and social commentator. So when people accuse me of being antisemitic, they’re out of their minds. I went to an Ivy League School for Gosh’s sake. I had to pledge my loyalty to the Democratic Party, the ancient God Moloch, Science, and like 10 other things. I’m the least antisemitic person you know, ok? Some of my best, and richest, friends are Jews!

But that doesn’t mean I like ALL Jews. The truth is, I hate those Jews (you know which ones), and their accursed Israel country of hate. Here are 4 reasons why:

1. Israel is killing Palestinians: You young people are right – Israel is totally in the wrong in their war in Gaza. I don’t even know what Hamas is or what they do, but they can’t be as bad as Israel, right? Trust me, I went to Harvard, as I mentioned before. Also, I am rich. I have free time to read newspapers. That’s what clickbait artists do. We read, so you don’t have to. All you have to do is click. And believe.

2. They control the world: I know what you’re thinking: That’s antisemitic, Markus! But hear me out: Jews do control the world. They control the banks, the government, the media, the military. It’s totally true. Google it. (in incognito mode – the Jews are watching).

3. There was some Jewish guy named Moses that said this other Jewish guy, Jesus, died because his death would benefit mankind by freeing us slaves under oppression; now we’d be following Jesus instead into slavery again…that kind of thing. I’m just babbling right now. It’s not important. I just needed a third reason to hate the Jews for this article.

4. They eat babies: Look, I don’t care how you feel about this one. In America, we hate babies. I get it, they ruin your life and smell weird. But hear me out. However you feel about babies, you must be appalled by the fact that Jews totally eat babies. It’s a fact. Look at the Protocols of the Elders of Zion. Read the Talmud. Jews hate children and babies, and if we’re not careful, they’ll eat all our children and turn the rest of us into slaves. (Don’t bother Googling that, the Jews have hidden it too well).

So there you have it: I am Markus Sbackson III, I attended Harvard, I have read newspapers, and I am anti-antisemitic. Stay woke, click on my link, and remember: I read, you believe.

I’m not antisemitic, people!!!!! Shut up!!!!! Why does everyone keep saying I am??!?!?? Ugh!!!!!