Vans, Life, and Influencing: Why Being A Van Life Influencer Feels Like Being Run Over By A Van.

Have you heard of van lifers? Yeah, they’re those people who drive around in vans, take pictures of their dogs, and pretend like they’re living the dream. Well, I’m here to tell you that being a van life influencer feels more like being run over by a van than living a fulfilling life.

Here’s the thing: van lifers have no idea what they’re doing. They think they’re living their best lives, but they’re not. They’re driving around aimlessly, hoping that they’ll find Instagram-worthy locations and people who care about them. But the truth is, they’re wasting their lives chasing an empty dream, and nobody will ever care about them, because they literally live in a van down by the river.

They’re trying to find themselves, but they don’t even know where to begin, so they get a van and drive to a dumb mountain. And their followers are just as lost as they are, believing in a minimalist lifestyle that doesn’t even include having a real bathroom. Nobody thinks about where they’re going to pee, until they don’t have a place to pee, know what THE JEFF is sayin’?

Not having anywhere but a van to come home to is not fun. Trust me, THE JEFF has lived in a van. He’s done it all. I even tried to be a van life influencer, but all I got out of it was influenza and a few wasted months of going door-to-door, begging strangers to use their showers. Turns out only attractive people can be successful at this. Should have known.

So, if you’re considering becoming a van life influencer, just know that it’s pointless and sad. And that THE JEFF hates you for having a dream that he can’t achieve.

Hey, maybe one day I’ll get a another van and write an article about how being a van life influencer saved THE JEFF’s life. Until then, I’ll just keep driving around, hoping that someone cares.

PS: Vans smell bad.