NEW POLL: Why Aren’t You Ingrates Going to Marvel Movies Anymore?
What’s the deal, humanity?
They don't make heros like they used to
Everyone knows Marvel movies have revolutionized the way movies are made, from delightfully consistent cookie-cutter script-by-numbers, to constant CGI made by browbeaten underpaid CGI artists, to the very idea of a “Cinematic Universe” where a bunch of characters show up in a bunch of movies that form an overarching story. Everyone also knows that they’re awesome! So, how come you ungrateful post-pandemic moviegoers aren’t seeing them in the movie theater anymore?
The Marvels is a supercharged female-led tour de force of Marvel-ness. It has everything – hastily-thrown-together CGI, annoying characters played by actors who you can tell would rather be doing “real” movies, and a plot that involves multiverses and generic female empowerment. This would normally be a massive hit!
Yet it appears the Marvel magic is now increasingly cold busted, with each movie losing more than the last. What is going on? People used to go to these films as if it were there patriotic duty; now, they would rather just stay home and click on fake clickbait.
We at OJ WOLFSMASHER DOT COM were curious, so we did another one of our world-famous fake polls. We asked, “Why the heck aren’t you going to Marvel movies anymore?” The results were both surprising and disgusting, reflecting America during this time of great upheaval and rampant ignorance.
The Top 26 poll results are in the picture below. Try not to cry as you realize how off-base your fellow humans are. Can this Cinematic Universe be saved? Probably not.
