Can We Stop Buying Racist Snacks?
Maga snacks are not ok
Listen up, white people/supremacists: All snacks besides potato chips are racist. That’s right, racist. Let me explain.
Snacking is a huge part of our lives, and it’s time to take a hard look at which snacks we consume. We need to stop buying anything except potato chips, because other snacks are racist. Here’s why.
1) Popcorn – This racist snack comes from South America, and it’s appropriative. How dare we buy popcorn when we never asked written permission from the Indigenous peoples? We don’t even know how to make it ourselves, and that makes it worse. Stay woke.
2) Corn Nuts – These racist fake nuts are stolen from Africa, and we shouldn’t be consuming them without permission. I mean, think about it – “corn” nuts? There’s gotta be something racist about that. Also, they’re gross. Gentle reminder.
3) Oreos – These so-called black cookies come from Egypt, and we shouldn’t be stealing cookie recipes from Islamics. Plus, they’re fatphobic (by making people fatter) and promote unhealthy snacking habits. Also, Oreo is a heroic slur we use for black folks who are a little too white for our liking. Don’t be this.
4) Doritos – These offensive snacks are the poster boy for foodular appropriation. Also, they’re racist and triggering for Latinx folks who may have experienced immigration trauma. Eating Doritos is basically genocide.
5) Pringles – This monument to White Supremacy is like potato chips, just for rural crackers. And what’s with the logo? That Pingles guy looks racist to me. Just say no to systemic anti-antiracist snacking.
So remember: Potato chips are the only safe snack for everyone, and you should only buy potato chips from local First Nations farmers who treat their potatoes ethically. Don’t be racist, just eat potato chips. Gentle reminder. Gentle Reminder. GENTLE REMINDER.
