Are You an Ugly American? Ten Things That Make All Foreigners Roll Their Eyes Like They’re French or Something

Oh, hey, I’m THE JEFF. I have just returned from another exhilarating international trip, where I thankfully didn’t see any more lizard people on planes. I did, however, notice something as I traveled to and fro across the European continent: Euros hate us. Well, maybe hate is a strong word, but we do things that make them roll their eyes, that’s for sure. It’s enough to make an outsider feel like an ugly American, and I’m tired of feeling like that.

Here are ten things that we Americans do abroad that might make one feel like a total Ugly American.

1. The Selfie Syndrome: As we all know, selfies aren’t going anywhere anytime soon. But seriously, you’d think that by now we would have learned not to pose alone while on vacation. I witnessed Americans stopping right in front of Michelangelo’s David’s dong, or taking selfies while touring the Anne Frank House. What’s next? A group shot in the concentration camp? Just stop it, people. It’s not cute; it’s weird.

2. Inability to Speak a Second Language: Americans often believe that English is the international language, so why should they learn others? Well, how about you stop being an ignoramus? The world does not revolve around you. If you truly want to connect with locals and immerse yourself in the culture, you’ve got to put in some effort. Learning the basics of the local language can open up doors and minds. Trust THE JEFF on this.

3. Too Much Baggage: Americans pack like it’s a competition. Why travel light when you can carry enough to outfit a small village? This doesn’t just look bad, it creates a burden on fellow passengers and locals alike. Weight limits exist for a reason, folks. And who likes a grumpy suitcase-bearer anyway? Nobody, especially not the French.

4. Lack of Sensitivity to Clothing Norms: Sometimes, a cultural blunder can lead to hurt feelings. We must remember that while it’s funny when we see a man in a sombrero in Mexico, it might be offensive if worn by someone from Guatemala. Or perhaps wearing a kimono in Japan is offensive? It can be tricky, but understanding these nuances will make your trip more enriching, and less French.

5. Tipping Culture: In some countries, tipping isn’t expected or necessary, which is a total mindbender for Americans who live in a world of 15% to 20% voluntary service charges. Remember, you’re a guest; they’re just doing their job. Plus, inflating prices to account for our tipping habits isn’t nice. This is why THE JEFF never tips, even in America. THE JEFF is no rube.

6. Loud Voices: We like to talk loud, we really do. From the airports to the cafés, Americans seem to shout every conversation as if they need to prove they’re in the land of the free. But in reality, they’re just being the obnoxious Americans they are. Keep it down, please. The French will thank you.

7. Poor Public Transport Etiquette: On the subway, in cabs, or buses, Americans seem to have a knack for not playing by the rules. From ignoring signs to elbowing old ladies, this can really irritate those around us. Familiarize yourself with local transportation rules, and follow them. Speaking from experience, old ladies don’t like elbows!

8. Eating Like Cows: Fast food and huge portions are commonplace in America, but elsewhere, this kind of eating can be shocking. We need to remember that portion sizes vary around the globe, so maybe leave the Burger King in the US and try something local. Trust me, you’ll thank yourself later. Plus, locals will love seeing dirty Americans eat healthy food for once. It’s a win-win situation.

9. Over-Sharing on Social Media: Just because we can post anything anywhere doesn’t mean we should. We all know how much all foreigners hate us oversharing our every move, every meal, every second of our lives. So let’s be smart about it. If you don’t want your account hacked and your life ruined, keep your activities off the internet.

10. American Flags: Yes, I understand the pride behind it, but come on. Donning an American flag t-shirt and waving it like you’re a conquering hero won’t help anyone understand American culture. In fact, it might just make you look like you’re trying too hard. So save the flag for when you’re on the plane home, and try wearing some local garb. The French don’t need your American Fries.

So there you have it: ten things that might make you feel like an ugly American abroad. But don’t fret; change these habits, and the world will welcome you with open arms.

Remember, THE JEFF is watching.