BREAKING: At least one expert says turnabout is not, in fact, fair play. What you can do to protect yourself from this new menace.

Contrary to what you may have heard, turnabout is not, in fact, fair play. This startling revelation was discovered by at least one expert in the field of Fairness, who cautioned that turnabout is not what you think it is, and if left unchecked, could impede civilization’s progress, which is really bad.

So, what can you do to protect yourself from this new menace, you ask? Well, just keep reading.

Dr. Corky Coogan, founder of the Coogan Center for the Fairness and Equity Sciences at Brown University, is creating quite a stir with their new book, “Turnabout: The Myth of Equality.” In it, they claim that turnabout is not, and has never been, fair.

“It’s a myth,” Corky claims. “Turnabout is not fair. It’s a misconception, an illusion – and we’re here to finally debunk it.”

But how do you protect yourself from this new menace, you may still ask? Corky recommends a three-step plan to ensure fairness in all areas of life:

1) Fairness: Always be fair, no matter what. If someone wrongs you, try to return the favor – but not in the same way. Corky explains, “Fairness means returning the wrong, but not in a similar way. Like, if someone punches you, you shouldn’t punch them back. You should give them money instead, to “pay it forward” instead of paying someone back.

“The only reason this sounds stupid is because of Western White Supremacy Thinking (WWST). Think about it: who’s going to say no to more money? And it will probably stop the punching as well,” Corky says in the book.

2) Communism: Be a communist. Corky explains, “Being a communist means sharing everything you have with everyone else. This will ensure that turnabout never happens, because everyone will have everything – and no one will have nothing.” Corky warns that turnabout can only happen when there’s inequality, so communism is the best way to prevent it.

3) Stop Having Opinions: Corky recommends getting rid of opinions entirely. “Opinions are bad. They lead to turnabout. So just stop having them,” Corky says. “If you don’t have an opinion, no one can wrong you – and turnabout becomes impossible.” Corky encourages readers to stop having opinions and start sharing their communist views instead.

So, there you have it. Turnabout is not, and will never be, fair. Protect yourself and your loved ones from this new menace by following Corky’s three-step plan. After all, they’re an expert, and you’re not.