Navigating The Windy City as a Young, Female Millennial: The Struggle is Real!

Chicago. Chi-Town. The Windy City. The City of Cagos. No matter what you call it, it’s a bustling metropolis where dreams come true and nightmares come truer. As a millennial woman living in this city, I have faced many challenges and obstacles, and I feel the need to complain about them. Here are just a three of the many horrors I face on a daily basis:

1. Trying to Afford Rent near Downtown

Renting in Chi-Town is expensive, and it can be hard to find a decent apartment that you can afford. I have had to sacrifice many luxuries in order to live in a decent neighborhood that’s not a smelly boomer hell-hole. That means no Netflix, no food security, and definitely no air conditioning. It’s a tough pill to swallow, especially in the summer. If my parents didn’t send me checks every week, I might cry real tears. Just kidding, I’m not longer capable of real human emotion. They don’t let you graduate from the prestigious Hughbert Salisbury-Scones School of Journalism if you still can feel real human empathy.

2. Finding a Job in This Economy

Finding a job in the journalism industry can be challenging. Many publications don’t hire people right out of college, and you have to hustle (read: work for free for total scumbags like OJ Wolfsmasher) for a while before you get your big break. It can be discouraging when you see your friends getting hired and you’re still struggling to pay your rent. Especially when you’re not even as hot or as good a writer as me, Amanda. I don’t care how much of a “real journalist” you are – I deserved that job at Buzzfeed.

3. Dating in the City

Dating in this post-dystopian hell-hole can be tricky. It’s easy to get caught up in the hustle and bustle of city life and forget to make time for romance. You have to find balance in your life between work, friends, and your social life, or you’ll turn into a hack like Amanda. And if you’re looking for a relationship, it’s easy to get distracted by all the hot guys on the subway. I once dated a guy who worked at a juice bar, but he was very into his “spiritual journey” and “didn’t like commitment.” Joke’s on him – I don’t even like juice!

In conclusion, navigating The City of Cagos as a young, female millennial is a struggle, but it’s one I wouldn’t trade for anything. Except maybe some more money.

• Editor’s note – Correction: OJ Wolfsmasher is not a total scumbag.