Fudge Rounds Don’t Come in Bags, and You Would Know That if You Weren’t a Fatphobic Ginger Hick

“Rich Men North of Richmond” is a heartfelt country ballad that everyone seems to be talking about these days. It recently hit number 1 on the charts! This is very unfortunate. Have you seen this guy? White (of course), male (of course), beard (of course), hick (of course), ginger (of course). He’s like the poster child for the post-woke alt-right country-fried pop-country NPC “movement.” Psyop? More like “Cry-op!”
The lyrics of this song are incredibly fatphobic and racist I can’t even believe it, but I guess it’s to be expected. Fat people have been attacked unfairly since the beginning of time, when the First Man slew the Last Neanderthal and then called the First Woman fat.
The song starts out with some normal casual working-class hick-veneration. We know, you have a job and it sucks. But then, the second verse hits. And as the kids say, it sure Hits Different.
The verse says, and I quote, “If you’re 5-foot-3 and you’re 300 pounds, taxes ought not to pay for your bags of fudge rounds,” implying that people who are short and fat should be taxed differently. Maybe instead of suggesting that government aid should have height and weight checks, you could write a song about how the government shouldn’t discriminate against folks just because they happen to like food. If beauty standards for womb havers weren’t written by bearded ginger white men like “Oliver Anthony” (what a ginger psy-op name, amirite?), songs like this would be in last on the charts, instead of in first.
This is the most fatphobic and racist lyric ever written, and it has no place in the public consciousness. I’m sick of people getting away with saying these kinds of things because they’re not as overtly hateful as the stuff Nazis said and did. It’s like, we get it, you’re not a Nazi, but you’re just as bad! You’re an alt-right, post-woke, country-fried, ginger-ass, hick, Fox News-worshipping NPC, and it’s about time we call you out on it!
In conclusion, please stop liking songs by this bearded ginger menace with no soul and a fake name.
And, if you’re 5-foot-3 and 300 pounds, please go to your local food bank and get yourself some delicious Fudge Rounds in a BOX, courtesy of REAL PEOPLE who aren’t COUNTRY MUSIC FANS.

*editor’s note: you can purchase individually wrapped Fudge Rounds in bags, including giant ones. Also, Fudge Rounds in boxes are wrapped in individual bags, otherwise you’d get home and your Fudge Rounds would be one big fudgy homunculus. We have removed the seven paragraphs that just went on and on about how they only come in boxes. But don’t worry! We’re not going to change the headline.