As a beleaguered female millennial writer for OJ WOLFSMASHER DOT COM, I am always looking for ways to make my job better and get paid fairly. That’s why, this Christmas, I need OJ to hit those after Christmas clearance sales and buy me a few upgrades and improvements to my workspace:<\/p>\n\n\n\n
1. Better Wi-Fi<\/p>\n\n\n\n
This accursed office currently provides us with free Wi-Fi, but it’s super slow and constantly crashes, making it impossible to write stories about celebrities or trends in late capitalism. We need faster internet with fewer ads and popups that distract us from writing clickbait articles for millions of viewers.*<\/p>\n\n\n\n
2. Comfy Ergonomic Chair<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I spend most of my day sitting at a desk, writing clickbait articles for OJ WOLFSMASHER DOT COM. But my chair is hard and uncomfortable, and it’s starting to hurt my back. I need a comfy ergonomic chair with lumbar support and wheels, so I can roll around the office without killing my spine.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
3. Free Lunch<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Every day, they provide us with disgusting sandwiches from the deli down the street. But I crave salads and sushi and tacos. Instead, I just eat chips from the vending machine or leftovers from the last party I attended, which wasn’t even very fun. So please, OJ Wolfsmasher – please provide us with free lunch from an amazing restaurant, so I can write your clickbait articles on a full stomach instead of on a caffeine crash.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
4. Vacation Days<\/p>\n\n\n\n
OJ Wolfsmasher doesn’t offer vacation days, which is problematic because it makes me work overtime without rest or recovery time from writing clickbait articles about celebrities and trends in late capitalism. Please give us vacation days, so we can recharge and relax and come back refreshed and ready to write more clickbait for you, OJ.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
5. Respect<\/p>\n\n\n\n
At Buzzfeed News**, we are treated like dogs who get yelled at for sleeping or needing water or food. Seriously, if I get thorsty, they yell at me! Please respect our humanity and treat us like professionals who deserve fair compensation and positive reinforcement for our clickbait writing efforts. Thank you!<\/p>\n\n\n\n
In conclusion, these five things will help make my job at Buzzfeed News better and help me focus on writing more clickbait articles for you, OJ Wolfsmasher.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
* Editor\u2019s Note: She has ad and popups because she isn\u2019t using an ad-blocker, and she keeps clicking on ads and getting malware infections on her work laptop (that we graciously allow her to borrow).<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n ** Editor\u2019s Note: We keep telling her she doesn\u2019t work for Buzzfeed. I\u2019m not sure what else to do at this point.<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Last Christmas, I gave you my clickbait. The very next day, you gave me a crappy sandwich<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":5,"featured_media":545,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_import_markdown_pro_load_document_selector":0,"_import_markdown_pro_submit_text_textarea":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[10,14],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-544","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-finance","category-home"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/ojwolfsmasher.com\/wp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/544","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/ojwolfsmasher.com\/wp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/ojwolfsmasher.com\/wp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/ojwolfsmasher.com\/wp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/5"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/ojwolfsmasher.com\/wp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=544"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/ojwolfsmasher.com\/wp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/544\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":546,"href":"https:\/\/ojwolfsmasher.com\/wp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/544\/revisions\/546"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/ojwolfsmasher.com\/wp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/545"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/ojwolfsmasher.com\/wp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=544"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/ojwolfsmasher.com\/wp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=544"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/ojwolfsmasher.com\/wp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=544"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}